I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
