I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
