I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
