Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
love makes seman taste better
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
