Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So many bounce houses so little time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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