we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
