I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
