I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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