At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
