I have demons in me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
