Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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