he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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