So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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