i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
