no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The Olympian is in my bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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