I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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