I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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