I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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