Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
