It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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