I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
