i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
