Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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