i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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