There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
whose parrot is this?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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