so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
