Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
