Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nutella sex= disaster
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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