i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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