I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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