I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
