i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
