I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
