i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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