So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
false alarm, still single
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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