I'm gonna have a badass scar
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
