I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
