Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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