My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You dont lie about slip and slides
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
