Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
