I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
