she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
