it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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