I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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