you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
