Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
