everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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