I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
