THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
