i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
