Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
