omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
