hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
