3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
