he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
