The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
