The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
